Van Dammage

by Brock on October 20, 2007

Just a few days ago, a barrage of emails were sent back and forth between me and my old college roommates planning our next reunion. As with the planning of any Housequake reunion, we inevitably started discussing the selection for this year’s Arnold Schwarzenegger Movie Marathon. Which movies would make the cut this year? There is the traditional line-up of Running Man, Predator, Commando, and Terminator; the strong alternative of Total Recall, True Lies, Terminator 2, and Eraser; or the just plain weird trio of Red Sonja, Conan the Barbarian, and Conan the Destroyer. Only time will tell.

But as fate would have it, the same day that this email debate was raging, I came across an article on Slate about Jean Claude Van Damme. Maybe it was the state of mind I was in after talking about Arnold movies, or maybe it is my fond appreciation for all things Van Damme, but I found this article a pure joy to read.

In addition to being very hilarious, it talks about a movie in the making called “J.C.V.D. in J.C.V.D.” I couldn’t tell from the article nor a brief internet search if such a movie is actually in the making, but following is the supposed teaser for the movie (the clip is funny, but the article is the best part, really, and should probably be read first for a full appreciation of the teaser).

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{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

Jennifer October 24, 2007 at 7:22 pm

Really? An Arnold marathon? Not just one Arnold, but lots of Arnold? Really??

Also, the photo that was showing of you when I pulled up your page – I guess you don’t know which one it is at any given time, but it was one of you with a beard, standing profile wise, but looking over your shoulder at the camera, and holding a little kitten to your chest? It looked scary. If I didn’t know you, I’d be a little weirded out.
As mom puts it, I’m just sayin’.

Brock November 2, 2007 at 7:54 pm

I don’t get it – what are you saying about Arnold?

However, I must say that, much like Van Damme, no matter how many Arnold movies you watch, you are really only seeing one Arnold.

Though, to Arnold’s credit, he is more versatile then Van Damme. I mean there are at least two versions of Arnold: (1) the Kindergarten-Cop/Jingle-All-The-Way Arnold; and (2) everything else he ever made. His role as Mr. Freeze in Batman & Robin might belong in a third category unto itself, though it is at least comparable to many of his roles in the “everything else he ever made” category in how weird and painful it is to watch.

But don’t get me wrong: Arnold is great.

Brock November 2, 2007 at 7:55 pm

I got so carried away talking about Arnold that I almost forgot to address your second point.

Now, we all know I’m not one to point fingers and say that other people shouldn’t be so judgmental and critical of other people including pictures of said people, but I will have you know that the picture you are referring to was taken on the last day I spent with my kitten, Jackson, before he was put to sleep. The emotion and intensity of the photograph were obviously too much for you to appreciate so you were “weirded out” or whatever, but I hope you feel sufficiently bad about yourself now.

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